First Date Conversation For Introverts

Some people are comfortable in any social situation. To them, the idea of planning date conversation in advance may seem ridiculous. These lucky people are somehow able to go with the flow, come up with funny jokes on the spot, and are never at a loss for things to talk about. Don’t you hate these people? Why does everything have to be so easy for them?

Okay, let’s set our feelings of resentment aside for a minute. Some people are extroverted, and some people are introverted. Everyone knows that, and there’s no shame in being either one. But, for introverts, things like dating can be torture. As bad as rejection is, there’s an almost equally upsetting feeling of dread that sets in as soon as our date invitation is accepted. Speaking as an introvert myself, I know that some of us are capable of turning perfectly normal situations into scenes of awkwardness for everyone involved. It’s sort of a special talent. So we enter situations like this with fear.

But on a date, the last thing we want is to have another one of those awkward scenes that most introverts are accustomed to. We want a date to be different. Without compromising who we are, we want a date to be fun, free, and light, and we also want to make a good impression. Try to keep these things in mind, and you’ll be on your way to a good start.

1. Mental preparation: Make a list of things to talk about, and memorize it. Don’t be ashamed to use internet research to find topics, but also be sure to keep in mind anything you know about your date, and tailor your conversation topics to him/her. Just by doing this little bit of preparation, you’ll enter the situation with more confidence.

2. Avoid the usual topics: Sure, questions such as “How do you like your job?” or “What did you study in school?” are fine to have as standbys, but they’re a little too commonplace. A good rule of thumb is to avoid asking questions that your grandma would ask. Stick with things that are more interesting and open-ended.

3. Improvise: Improvisation can be difficult for introverts, but it’s a good idea to listen closely to the things your date has to say for any opportunity take the conversation in unexpected directions. If s/he says something that surprises you, ask follow-up questions. Without being creepy or invasive, try to come out of the experience feeling like you know a few interesting and meaningful things about your date.

4. Don’t just ask questions: Also, look for opportunities to talk about yourself. You don’t want your date to think that you’re hiding anything. If it helps, as part of your mental preparation, make a list of things that are interesting about you, and subtly play up those qualities.

5. Believe in yourself: Dating experts always say to be confident, but that’s easier said than done. The more important point is just to trust who you are. You don’t have to try to make yourself more interesting. This person is on a date with you because s/he sees something in you, so don’t ruin it by pretending to be someone else.

6. Drink up, but not too much: Everyone knows that alcohol can be a great social lubricant, but be careful: It can also make you look like a fool.

Caterina Christakos is a published author and reviewer. Read her latest reviews of 7 jeans and seven jeans for men.

This entry was posted on 4. March 2010 at 15:38 and is filed under dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.