Handling Rejection When Asking Someone Out

Fear of rejection is the number one reason why we so often don’t go for the things we want. Particularly when it comes to dating or asking people out, the more timid among us will come up with any justification that will allow us to get out of making that brave step. Over the course of a lifetime, this can add up to hundreds of missed opportunities. How many times have you looked back at a situation from years ago and said to yourself, “Wow, I really should have asked that guy/girl out when I had the chance!” If you ask me, this long-term feeling of regret is much sadder and more tragic than temporary feelings of rejection.

But sometimes, even thoughts such as these can’t dispel the reluctance to ask someone out. In my experience, the best way to get past the fear is to have a good plan for the post-rejection period. Know that there is a strong possibility that you will be rejected, and have a plan to handle it. It’s as simple as that. Keep these tips in mind:

1. Know that rejection is fine. It’s a fact of life. Everybody experiences it. It doesn’t mean you’re a worthless person or even that there’s anything wrong with you. When a person rejects your advances, it could be for any number of reasons. Don’t assume that it’s all about you. It may simply not be a good match for that person, or it may not be the best time for them.
2. View it as practice. Think of this: One of the reasons why asking people out is so hard is that we don’t get a lot of opportunities to do it. Honestly, how many times have you actually asked somebody out? For some of us, it may be no more than 5 or 10 times in our whole lives. So, know that every time you ask someone out, you’re getting practice, and next time you’ll be better.
3. View it as a growing experience. We all know the cliché, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” Rejection is actually one of the more harmless forms of suffering. View this as an opportunity to toughen up, to reflect, and to improve upon yourself. If you think of it this way, rejection can even be a good thing. It’s sort of like lifting weights or jogging: It’s unpleasant and even painful, but we do it because it’s going to make us better in the end.
4. Move forward. The worst thing you can do is sit around and mope. Even if you have to force yourself, even if it takes all your will power, just do something. If you don’t want to go out, stay in and do something productive. Rather than watching TV or doing some other passive activity, build something, clean, or create a work of art. Anything that gets you active.
5. Talk about it openly. The next time you talk to your close friends or family, don’t be afraid to talk openly about your rejection experience. Sometimes just talking about something can help you feel better. Plus, if you share your experience with others, you’ll be encouraging them to be brave themselves. We need more bravery in this world, so spread it around. Don’t be ashamed.

Caterina Christakos is a published author and reviewer. Read her latest reviews of seven jeans.

This entry was posted on 4. March 2010 at 15:28 and is filed under dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.