4. March 2010 by admin.

As women, we tend to read a lot into any situation, especially where men are concerned. We analyze relationships. We discuss them with our friends. We agonize over the least little nuance of each conversation. The funny part is that none of this is actually necessary.

In truth, men are not this great mystery. Most of the time, what you see is what you get. Look to a man’s actions and you will be closer to knowing his heart and his interest than the ten hours you typically spend going over each conversation with your girlfriends.

Here are some clues that he likes you:

1) He calls the next day.

2) He calls when he says he will.

3) He calls without any real reason - just to say hi.

4) He listens to what you have to say.

5) He remembers important dates.

6) He introduces you to his best buddies.

7) He introduces you to his family.

He occasionally skips his usual night out with the guys to hang out with you.

9) He has seen you not at your best and still comes around.

10) He actually wants to meet your friends and family.

And here are the clues that he is a player and you are his temporary playmate:

1) He gets phone calls and has to leave the room to take them.

2) He forgets dates or shows up very late without a phone call.

3) You do not know to expect for sure that you two have a date each week.

4) He does not introduce you to his friends.

5) He tells you to stop bugging him about meeting his family.

6) He makes excuses when you try to introduce him to your friends or family.

7) He checks out other women, routinely, when he is with you.

He speaks only of himself and doesn’t have a clue what you talked to him about.

9) If he gets last minute plans that he thinks are better he ditches you.

10) He belittles you in public and in private or finds a reason to take off when you want to talk.

11) He shows no interest in what you do, where you go or who with.

As you can see, actions speak louder than words. Guys are pretty straight forward. If they like you, you will get clear signals and if they don’t you will quickly pick up on his disinterest. If the latter is the case, move on. Desperation is the least attractive feature in a woman and will only make him even less interested in you than he was before.

Start dating other people. Enjoy your own company every once in a while. If the one you left is “the one,” seeing you carefree and happy with someone else just may renew his interest and if not you are still better off than being with someone who is simply using you as a place holder until something better comes along.

Caterina Christakos is a published author and reviewer. Read her latest reviews of All for Mankind Jeans

Posted in dating | 1 Comment »

4. March 2010 by admin.

Some people are comfortable in any social situation. To them, the idea of planning date conversation in advance may seem ridiculous. These lucky people are somehow able to go with the flow, come up with funny jokes on the spot, and are never at a loss for things to talk about. Don’t you hate these people? Why does everything have to be so easy for them?

Okay, let’s set our feelings of resentment aside for a minute. Some people are extroverted, and some people are introverted. Everyone knows that, and there’s no shame in being either one. But, for introverts, things like dating can be torture. As bad as rejection is, there’s an almost equally upsetting feeling of dread that sets in as soon as our date invitation is accepted. Speaking as an introvert myself, I know that some of us are capable of turning perfectly normal situations into scenes of awkwardness for everyone involved. It’s sort of a special talent. So we enter situations like this with fear.

But on a date, the last thing we want is to have another one of those awkward scenes that most introverts are accustomed to. We want a date to be different. Without compromising who we are, we want a date to be fun, free, and light, and we also want to make a good impression. Try to keep these things in mind, and you’ll be on your way to a good start.

1. Mental preparation: Make a list of things to talk about, and memorize it. Don’t be ashamed to use internet research to find topics, but also be sure to keep in mind anything you know about your date, and tailor your conversation topics to him/her. Just by doing this little bit of preparation, you’ll enter the situation with more confidence.

2. Avoid the usual topics: Sure, questions such as “How do you like your job?” or “What did you study in school?” are fine to have as standbys, but they’re a little too commonplace. A good rule of thumb is to avoid asking questions that your grandma would ask. Stick with things that are more interesting and open-ended.

3. Improvise: Improvisation can be difficult for introverts, but it’s a good idea to listen closely to the things your date has to say for any opportunity take the conversation in unexpected directions. If s/he says something that surprises you, ask follow-up questions. Without being creepy or invasive, try to come out of the experience feeling like you know a few interesting and meaningful things about your date.

4. Don’t just ask questions: Also, look for opportunities to talk about yourself. You don’t want your date to think that you’re hiding anything. If it helps, as part of your mental preparation, make a list of things that are interesting about you, and subtly play up those qualities.

5. Believe in yourself: Dating experts always say to be confident, but that’s easier said than done. The more important point is just to trust who you are. You don’t have to try to make yourself more interesting. This person is on a date with you because s/he sees something in you, so don’t ruin it by pretending to be someone else.

6. Drink up, but not too much: Everyone knows that alcohol can be a great social lubricant, but be careful: It can also make you look like a fool.

Caterina Christakos is a published author and reviewer. Read her latest reviews of 7 jeans and seven jeans for men.

Posted in dating | 1 Comment »

4. March 2010 by admin.

Fear of rejection is the number one reason why we so often don’t go for the things we want. Particularly when it comes to dating or asking people out, the more timid among us will come up with any justification that will allow us to get out of making that brave step. Over the course of a lifetime, this can add up to hundreds of missed opportunities. How many times have you looked back at a situation from years ago and said to yourself, “Wow, I really should have asked that guy/girl out when I had the chance!” If you ask me, this long-term feeling of regret is much sadder and more tragic than temporary feelings of rejection.

But sometimes, even thoughts such as these can’t dispel the reluctance to ask someone out. In my experience, the best way to get past the fear is to have a good plan for the post-rejection period. Know that there is a strong possibility that you will be rejected, and have a plan to handle it. It’s as simple as that. Keep these tips in mind:

1. Know that rejection is fine. It’s a fact of life. Everybody experiences it. It doesn’t mean you’re a worthless person or even that there’s anything wrong with you. When a person rejects your advances, it could be for any number of reasons. Don’t assume that it’s all about you. It may simply not be a good match for that person, or it may not be the best time for them.
2. View it as practice. Think of this: One of the reasons why asking people out is so hard is that we don’t get a lot of opportunities to do it. Honestly, how many times have you actually asked somebody out? For some of us, it may be no more than 5 or 10 times in our whole lives. So, know that every time you ask someone out, you’re getting practice, and next time you’ll be better.
3. View it as a growing experience. We all know the cliché, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” Rejection is actually one of the more harmless forms of suffering. View this as an opportunity to toughen up, to reflect, and to improve upon yourself. If you think of it this way, rejection can even be a good thing. It’s sort of like lifting weights or jogging: It’s unpleasant and even painful, but we do it because it’s going to make us better in the end.
4. Move forward. The worst thing you can do is sit around and mope. Even if you have to force yourself, even if it takes all your will power, just do something. If you don’t want to go out, stay in and do something productive. Rather than watching TV or doing some other passive activity, build something, clean, or create a work of art. Anything that gets you active.
5. Talk about it openly. The next time you talk to your close friends or family, don’t be afraid to talk openly about your rejection experience. Sometimes just talking about something can help you feel better. Plus, if you share your experience with others, you’ll be encouraging them to be brave themselves. We need more bravery in this world, so spread it around. Don’t be ashamed.

Caterina Christakos is a published author and reviewer. Read her latest reviews of seven jeans.

Posted in dating | No Comments »